The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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