I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
