u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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