glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Such a big mess for such a small penis
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
