just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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