Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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