I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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