tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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