Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
