when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
