My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
