I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
