I accidentally had phone sex last night
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
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the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
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That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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