I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
