The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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