There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
