just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
