I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
