maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
