i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
