i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
