We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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