I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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