I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
