Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
