I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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