My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
