i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
