the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
