his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
