I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
