Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
