I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Randomize
