now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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