i jhust puked up my retainher.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
