The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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