so that wasnt chicken after all
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
