i think my mom watched the whole time
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
