we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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