Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
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Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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