I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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