i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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