since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
