he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
