dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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