haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
