I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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