he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
