Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
