She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
