The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
