I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
