hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
