my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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