Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
