I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I think my vagina is haunted
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
