The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
