There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
