just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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