I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
