he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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