Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
