you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
