Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
