i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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