I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
barbara walters just said penis...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
