is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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