I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
