I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
