she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
