my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
