Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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