It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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