Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
