He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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