He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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